Via Marian fikk jeg vite om en del nye diagnoser. Og da tenkte jeg at jeg kunne supplere med noen:
Refrigerator Door Disease (RDD)
This disease is characterized by standing in front of the refrigerator with the door wide open, staring blankly into a collection of fuzzy jars of grape jelly, half-eaten margarine tubs with bread crumbs, and something that used to resemble fresh fruit (but might actually be meatloaf). This disease strikes only at night, and is accompanied by light sensitivity that makes the refrigerator light seem ten times brighter than normal so that it pierces closed eyelids like the flashlight of God himself.
Repetitive Remote Disorder (RRD)
This devastating disease afflicts mostly males aged 15 - 35 and is characterized by rapid channel surfing of cable television using a remote control device. Victims of RRD can often flip through over 100 channels is less than one minute, spending just slightly over one-half second per channel to evaluate its programming. This near-subliminal exposure to channels of varied television programming can cause long-term damage to the retina and visual recognition system, leaving RRD victims in a permanent zombie-like state where they can no longer recognize anything other than brand logos or sports teams.
Obsessive Hosiery Dislocation Disorder (OHDD)
OHDD is characterized by a frantic household search for the other sock of any given sock pairs. Victims of this disease, when finding only one sock from a pair, feel the universe has fallen into a state of great imbalance that can only be restored through the recovery of the missing sock. Victims may also become sock-dependent, whereby they repeatedly buy new socks in the hopes that sheer sock volume will make up for the universal imbalance caused by dislocated socks. In advanced stages, this disease causes people to safety-pin their socks together in the wash.
Obsessive Wardrobe Change Disorder (OWCD)
This fascinating disease afflicts mostly women and is characterized by the incessant changing of clothing before a planned event (for which the victim is usually late). OWCD victims have been known to change clothes up to nine times before deciding on something to wear -- which is usually the initial item the victim tried on in the first place. Women with OWCD are often married to men with Repetitive Remote Disorder (RRD), which actually works out nicely because it gives the husband something to do while waiting for the OWCD victim to work out her wardrobe obsession.
Repetitive Pocket Searching Syndrome (RPSS)
This frustrating condition is characterized by repeated searching of one's own pockets following the misplacement of some small item such as car keys. The victim of RPSS frantically and repeatedly searches the pockets of the clothes they are wearing, irrationally hoping that the missing object will somehow appear after the third or fourth search. When this proves futile, the RPSS victim will turn to yesterday's clothes and start searching those pockets. Additionally, pockets of jackets and coats will be desperately searched for the missing item. In extreme cases of RPSS, the person will search the pockets of other peoples' clothing.
Jeg kan fortelle at jeg i perioder av livet har vært sterkt plaget av OWCD og RDD, og spesielt i helgene.